chicky_band happy @ wonderful world

     最近只是忙着开学，升上学士的事情…其他的事情都没时间去管了，加上自己在新的地方没有internet connection,所以对时事都不怎么敏感了…有时候觉得这样也是好的…至少自己也会觉得快乐一些…

     前一阵子，不小心听到了一些事情，自己听了是不开心的，甚至觉得难过，很想哭…只是我告诉自己都不值得的…为什么要让自己那么伤心了，只因为别人的流言蜚语吗?说真的，别人的话有多难听，我不是不知道的，只是我不想知道罢了…因为觉得听了只会让自己更不开心…既然如此，为什么还要折磨自己呢？这几天我都让自己冷静下来，让自己想想自己应该怎么去面对这一切…最后，我还是做不出结论…也许自己就是这么的失败…永远不懂得解决问题，只会让问题延续，而我就只会逃避问题…不过算了啦，还是那一句话，是认识我为人的就会知道我为什么要这么做，不认识得再怎么解释都失败费心机的…所以这一次，无论别人说什么，我都不载解释了，因为可以说是我已经累了，经过那么多件事后，我累了，那天我告诉一个人，关于这件事，他问我，我真得这么在意别人的眼光吗？我说也不是的，最重要的还是我的好朋友和我身边爱的人的看法…因为对于我而言，好友重来不会要求你解释，他们只会站在你身边，当你倒下时，他们会是在旁边扶持你的那一位…所以我真得很庆幸我的好友依然相信我，而不是与别人一起参与所谓的流言蜚语…说真的，对某些人，我可以说真的彻底失望了…因为原来所谓的演戏和虚伪真的存在在这个世界上的，甚至还是出现我身边的…说真的，当我知道了身边某些人在说着某些关于我的事情时，我觉得惊讶，但是更是觉得失望和绝望了，因为人前人后真的差别太大了，不过就算了吧…我想我真的不想去在意那么多事情了，因为最近让我失望的事情实在太多了，也让我太累了…我想此时此刻，我只希望我已让存着希望和期待的那几位朋友不会让我失望…因为我真的累了…不过算了啦…新的环境来了…又是重新展开生活的时候了…我应该学着去面对所谓的现实社会了吧…学着去了解身边就算有一些所谓的朋友，但是他们未必真正了解我，也未必真正为我着想，真正关心我，为我设想的…我虽然了解了，也觉得伤心了，但是更加庆幸我身边依然还有一些好友和真正爱我的人…陪着我，了解我，关心我…只希望这一切不开心的事情就此停止吧…因为我想我也受够了…

       好了…发泄完了…心情轻松了…只希望我来临的生日的那一个属于我的生日愿望会真的实现…

    那一天，我和一个对我来说很重要的人聊天，他说有时候，选自己爱的人就像在搭的士…假设那里有三辆的士，大多数人会选择坐舒服，美丽豪华的，很少人会选择坐没有冷气，又旧了，又臭的的士的…就像现实生活中，男声选女生时，他们会希望他们的女友又美，又聪明，又大方，又不粘身，又细心的…而女生也会希望自己的男友有钱，帅，能迁就她….

    说真的，曾经我也是有过这样的想法的…希望自己的另一半聪明，帅…但时间过久了，我发现自己最需要的不是这些….我需要的只是一个可以让我感觉温暖，感觉他爱我，我在他心里，感觉到他是需要我的…感觉到他是关心我的，会担心我的，会疼惜我的，会心疼我的…会照顾我的…所以，我告诉那个人，我曾经也面对这样的情况，站在的士前，不知道到底自己想上哪一辆的士…不是因为自己贪心，只是我希望自己一旦搭上一辆的士，我就能够完全的信任那一位的士司机，能够完全的放心让他在我前往的目的地…而他也愿意载着我前往我想要的目的地…而如今，我想我真的上对了的士…我希望这辆的士会愿意载着我这个麻烦的乘客前往属于我们的目的地…没有停下…有的只是不停的变稳的车程…有的只是我们两个在过程中不断的加深了解…有的只是过程中不停加深的互相依赖…而我相信如今的我不会在要求的士司机再度掉头走到原点…要的只是我们两个一起到达目的地…我也只是希望属于我的那一辆的士的司机能够明白,我要的不是什么好话，贵重的东西，需要的只是在过程中他能给我的安全感…所谓的豪华，冷气，舒服的的士并不是真的士我需要的…我需要的就只是一辆愿意陪着我爱着我，疼我关心我的人…所以，笨蛋，没错，就是你啦，那个整天说自己不帅，没钱，不聪明的笨蛋…我喜欢你，真的喜欢你…我不介意这些东西…你说我还小，害怕我会改变，害怕我会因为你没钱所以不要你的，但是哦，我也没钱啊，所以我根本不会介意这些东西，只要你爱我，疼我，关心我，这些就是你能给我的我最想要的“钱”啦~~爱你哦~~

"不用等你开口先说我爱你(我爱你)

  在那之前想对你说我愿意(我愿意)

  你不必问 你也不必等

  这一刻 就值得爱到永恒

  我该如何让你明白我爱你(我爱你)

  在那之后你点头说我愿意(我愿意)

  想照顾你 想守护着你

  这一刻 只想把你抱紧"

      today is reali a memorable day for me d actually~~hehe~~cos a i think la,for this two years…this is the first time i take so many photo…summore so many crazy and ss d photo~~hehe~~reali happy d~~u noe wat,join mei fung them all reali will feel happy and relax..like no worries and anything d..left d oni happiness and funny thing~~real frenship~~i like it…d feeling is good d~~

       today a~~after english d tutorial den we start ss le~~hehe~take photo…with many weird weird and funny funny pose~~hehe~~wish to get d photo and post d photo now…but d photo now are with mei fung..hehe wish tat she can send to us A.S.A.P den i can show out le…reali funny~~all gals with left out d 4 guys…summore is 4 cute n funny guys…hehe~~dun noe la~~today is reali a hapy and memorable day for me~~cos today i reali smile for whole day o~~

        summore a,after tat we go nando a~~hehe~~juz near to UTAR lo…we go there for lunch…with mei fung them all lo~~funny d~~and expensive oso~hehe…summore like get cheated..so funny la~~to day we go there a..den me n hubby and leong order a set of thing called "ESPETADA"..hehe~~high class name o~~yaya~~reali high class leh…price oso high class lo~~the menu say got 4 grilled chicken thighs a~~den we 3 thought of wanna share a~~den when d food come…die hard!!!!not enuf la~~luckily i din eat very very much d ppl…if not,hubby they all sure not enuf eat d~~hehe…but happy la~~cos can eat with them all…laugh together..summore eileen is there oso…happy..after that,we noe that d drinks can be refilled den we keep on refill le…hehe~~funny la~~and cute…dis is the special thing bout TE4 lo~~hehe~~i wish that when go to degree…i still can meet with those ppl such as Mei fung,Ann Ann and Jia Min them all…cos they are reali cute…for sure our gang is oso cute la~~hehe~~

          Foundation is now come to the end le…now waiting for final exam den will wait for degree to start class le…hehe~~finally i have complete my foundation course…and almost step into d degree le…hehe…now i m ad an adult le o~~buddy~~fren~~hubby…dear…bro…mummy…pls…call me adult~~now i m not a child le…i m now finish my foundation le…almost 18 le…yaya…an adult le…hehe~~yeah~~

     recently..is my new sem start again..nth change..d oni thing change bout me is juz tat i fond out tat my temper is becoming more n more hot..and bad..for no reason…maybe bcos recently many thing to worry bout…although the person that i need the most is with me and juz beside me..but sometime,happiness is alwis there,but sorrow n sadness is oso there…

     maybe get used for ppl to tolerate with me since i m young no matter among fren or family..making me feel tat ya is true tat i can tolerate with my fren,especally good fren..but at the same time,i dun reali can tolerate especially towards those who are so close with me…almost all of my frens noe bout my principle..especially jun ee and jing ying,they noe bout my frenship principle..for me,i can tolerate with my good fren and willing to do anything for my fren as long as they make me feel warm and make me feel tat i m being appreciate and cared…as this happen,i can tolerate no matter what happen,but if my fren make me feel tat he or she is trying to test on my patient..i dun reali think tat i can stand with it…i reali cant..maybe others will think tat i m too stubborn or ego..but is my principle…a principle tat no one can change me..

      among my good fren,they noe i can change anything for them,espcially change for the one that i love and care bout,i am willing to do so,but not this principle..when i m in secondary school,one of my good fren do that to me and make me feel tat no more care n love between me n her this fren,in the end,i choose to not to talk to her…not that i dun appreciate her this good fren,juz tat i reali cant feel tat she reali treat me as a fren le..her tone when talking to me look like order me more den require for my help..it make me feel tat i m like a maid that being dump…i hate that…for me,i can accept ppl scolding by using those "F" words or wateva words la…but the tone is reali important for me…

       juz dun noe…actually one of my fren told me not to be too care or mind bout dis kind of stuff,especially frenship stuff,but i reali cant make it d..for me,i have put in my feeling in the frenship..is difficult for me to take out oso…but i admit that when i m feeling being forced,i may be a person who is cruel or maybe could be said as cold blood..i noe i m like tat…i noe tat…dun noe la…recently,the feeling come back again…make me feel depressed..i dislike one of my fren especially when he is talking…actually,i look important towards manner..especially speaking tone..not to say cannot joking or what..but juz the tone problem…i dislike ppl talking by using rude tone and rude words..for me,no matter what happen or how,i will nvr use rude words towards my good fren o fren…not becos of what,but is the feeling of respect..for me,if i really dislike a person,either i will try to discover his or her good thing or i will juz choose to not to be close to him or her ad…is my principle…i think this is alwis better den i dislike him or her den keep on attack him or her by using rude words or talking by using rude tone…i reali dislike it..for me,in fact no matter how much i like dis person as fren,but once he or she make me feel so,the feeling of dislike will juz start to appear to replace the feeling of like…i feel that everyone will have his or her good thing and bad thing,if reali wanna be fren,u shld try to accept his or her good thing n even bad thing,and try to tolerate..if can,try to advise him or her to change,but i also noe tat everyone has their own thinking and personality,is hard for us to change it d..tat y we shld try to accept it since i still wanna be fren with him or her,but not keep on perli or step on him or her…like tat juz will make me feel tat i m tired and is better stop this frenship rather den making everyone so tired and suffer..but someone will nvr think of this d…someone will alwis think tat he or she is the one who is alwis right d without thinking of his or her own oso having the bad thing in herself or himself…

          dun noe la,maybe ppl will think tat i m too over in writing this…but for me,when i reali cant stand with it,i will juz say it out rather den juz keep it in heart..maybe some cant accept it,but for me,i will say it out cos i still will mind bout it and still wan this fren..but if a fren reali understand me well,they shld noe tat i m juz require quite high in frenship..not becos of anything,not becos of prejudice or wat…

        actually,i juz alwis hope tat we as a fren or good fren,since we are calling someone as fren or good fren,we shld care bout the person feeling..we shld nt be too over no matter in words or attitude..cos we oso as a individual will understand tat if ur own fren do tat to we ourselves,we will oso feel sad and suffer d…maybe everyone could tolerate and be patient,but say reali d,my patient limit is almost over le..whenever i saw my fren is doing tat to someone,it will make me feel angry d..no matter who do tat,i will juz feel angry d…becos for me,if me,i will nvr wan this kind of fren who will nvr care bout others’ feeling but himself or herself juz keep on asking ppl to understand bout his or her feeling..for me,frenship is not reali equal d juz like relationship and love,but at least juz try to make it be equal if we could…at least,we ourselves and the other will be feeling happy…fren,sometime,is better for us to tolerate and be good to our fren,i noe sometime when someone hav did some mistakes,is hard for us to forgive,but at least juz try to give other a chance…bcos for me,there is alwis a turning back d..and for me,i will nvr force ppl to follow my principle or even have the same principle as me..if they could follow or accept den is ok,if cant,den is ok a…cos different ppl hav different personality and thinking a…and alwis remember that whenever u speak out a word to someone,please think twice before u say it out..cos u maybe have hurt someone…dun alwis think tat ppl will nvr get hurt..maybe u urself will nvr feel hurt o sad..but others still have feeling d…

       if i have say sth tat make anyone feel disagree,u can juz post ur comment…but i post this is not becos of any reason,but juz to say out my opinion..cos for me,i look important bout dis stuff…

       recently..i have a fren that facing some problems..he is so sad and look down..say really d..i cant help up..not because i dun wan help up..juz tat maybe d problem he is facing i oso face before..even myself oso dun really cant solve it well..tat y..i feel tat the only thing that i can do is juz beside him and give him mentally support..let him know that no matter what happenhe still have me this fren beside him to give him support d..

      but dun know leh..that day when first day class started..i met with him..he is still like last time playin with me..and smile with me..kidding with me..but dun know whether am i too sensitive or what..in his eyes,i feel there is many sorrow and sadness hide behind his smile…really make me cant really smile out d…cos when look into his eyes..i feel sad..not because of what..but because i feel sad for him..i know he is realy down and sad d..but juz because dun wan ppl to worry bout him..he try to pretend like nth happen..to pretend like he is happy and still ok..but i can see it d..and i can feel it d..he is not as strong as what i see..he is not…

         dun noe..for me..he is juz like a kid..a pure guy..though talk bout sth tat is "yellow"…but his mind is really pure like a white and plain paper..make me feel tat nowdays really no more guy like him anymore…he is wishing for a gal tat could make him feel like having first love d..make him feel tat whenever he saw d gal..he can feel his heartbeat increasing d..and face red red d.this is what he told me d..because of this words..make me feel tat i really have to protect this fren d..because he is really juz like a kid.even though is elder den me..but he make me feel tat he really need a lot of care and protection d..make me feel tat i hav to treat him like a bro to take care of…cos of this oso..when i saw him sad but i cant help up..i feel tat i m like a stupid ppl again..looking at ppl suffering and fall in sadness but what i can do is juz stay beside and keep on say:"cheer up"…isit useful?dun think so..haiz…

         still rmb tat when tat time when i have problem..he is oso there for me d…giving me support..even if other say sth..he is still there to tell me not to think too much cos he will still trust me and be my good fren d..i really touched d.cos for me..good fren is not to chit chat or play play d..but is d one tat will be wit u no matter wat happen and tell u that he or she will trust u and understand u no matter what happen…and he did so..and start from that moment..he is standing in my good fren list.as a good fren…=p

       if i could have magic…i will alwis hope tat now i can take off all of his sadness..make him smile as cute as last time..as happy as last time..i really long time din saw like tat d him le…really long time le..juz hope tat i can do so..though i noe tat dis sound ridiculous..but there is alwis a miracle..tat y i m waiting for d miracle..i believe tat i could have the chance to return back the smile and happiness to him a..as a good fren..i really make a wish to hope tat he could go through it juz like what i did last time..

          juz wan tell him…whenever there is a sadness starting..a happiness will oso be there waiting for u to go and discover it d..juz see whether u r tat trying hard to go and discover it o not…juz like me..i am tryng hard to do so…and now finally i am getting off from the sadness..though not yet really get through it or get out from it..but at least now..i still having and owning my happiness..

        gambateh o..my fren…rmb..sadness is easy to find but happiness is normally hard to being discovered d…but there are alwis have happiness existence..juz tat whether u got go and find it out o not..so u muz not give up…juz hope tat u would have the chance to see dis sentence and cheer up..

dis few days n few weeks…i m juz too bz with my own stuff in studies..assign n test…summore gt final exam tat will occur in two more weeks time lyk tat..actually feel tired ad..dun noe la..maybe get used to be very relax when i m in secondary school..haha!!!tat y now a…no more jun ee them all wit me,i will hav to work more hard a…

dis few days actually dun reali feel happy d..haha!!dun noe la..maybe cos i can’t solve some of d stuf gua…make me feel tired n helpless gua..but juz as wat one of my frens tat i noe in form 1 say…he said…"although i m sad,although i m down n although i m angry o unhappy…i noe tat i shld juz share wit my frens..i noe tat i shld not hide from frens d…bt..sometimes..tat is an exception oso d..although depending on ppl is good..but sometimes learn to solve d problem by myself is good oso d..although i maybe fall down..i may get hurt…i may find out tat d actually d world is nt as simple as i thk,is nt as beautiful as i thk,is not as happy n sweet as i thk…bt is ok d a…cos from there i will learn how to grow..learn how to noe ppl more…will noe how to appreciate ppl n things around u more…n oso noe how to love urself more..becos when u fall down n get hurt.though ppl around u could be care of u n give u advise..but oni u urself noe d way to get out of d sadness…cos no one noe u more den urself…u noe urself clearly…tat y..learn to love urself more…n learn to love ppl around u more without expecting tat ppl will repay d same thing to u…juz by hoping tat ppl around u will be happy n feel sweet..though u urself maybe will get hurt or sad…cos when u saw ppl or even fren around u r happy n smiling to u..u sure will feel tat those hurt n wound is no longer pain for u ad…becos d smile n d sweet feeling from them towards u ad enuf to make u feel tat no more pain..actually…for me…as a fren..i juz need care n even juz a normal smile den is enuf ad…"

      dun noe isit becos i get mixed wit him too much ad…i lyk getting to be lyk tat ad…since form 1 incident…i feel tat when u fall into a deep hole..d environment around u r dark till u cant even saw a light..u sure will feel d loneliness n will feel sad n desperate..feel helpless..hoping tat ppl will come n try to pull u out of tat…yaya..is true tat normally ppl lyk us will hope n wish for tat d…juz lyk me..but dun noe…after 5 years pass…i find out tat whenever i m in doubt or sadness..a warm smile is ad enuf for me…a warm n sincere smile ad enuf to tell me tat u r reali my fren…u reali care for me..u r there for me d…even if i m alwis in d deep hole..i wont scare again ad…becos ur warm smile r there for me..tat y i m not scare anymore a…juz becos of dis thinking..till now..whenever i m sad o unhappy..i will still keep to be happy d…i will try to smile alwis d…not becos i wan show tat i m cheerful o wat…juz tat for me…i try to be in d deep hole for almost 3 years…n tat y i noe tat whenever n wherever sure got ppl around me tat fall in d deep hole oso…n i juz cant afford to help them all d…i juz maybe cant care n be with them alwis whenever they nid me…tat y d oni thing tat i can do is juz alwis bring a smile wit me…whenever there is someone around me tat is sad o unhappy..at least i can make them feel happy n cheer up abit a even though i may need to do sth tat is stupid or funny…but for me…is worthy d..nt becos of wat…but juz maybe i juz wan ppl around me to smile n happy alwis…juz same as me a…cos a..for me a..everyone is very beautiful n sweet when they smile..reali d…juz a simple smile from ppl around me ad can make me feel happy ad a…reali d…maybe i m reali stupid gua juz as one says..but i feel is worthy n i m happy wit it den is enuf ad a…how ppl thk is not important a..but sometimes..wat ppl around me think bout me is greatly affect me oso d…yaya…i oso feel tat i m doubt..tat y i m TAN LI YEE a…haha!!

      u noe wat…dis few days..one of my frens din tok to me n lyk very cold towards me..haha!!dun wan tell is who la…juz maybe a special fren gua…a fren tat will smile at me when i m sad d…when my tat fren smile…my tat fren gt a cute smile d…whenever my tat fren smile,i say he looks cute..he sure will say i m wu liao d..but dun noe la…he juz looks cute when he smile…haha!!!dis few days…lyk cos of me…he din smile ad…he looks down..n dun noe how d…i oso feel down..maybe cos mix long time ad…gt d feeling ad..frenship..i will care bout it d…but gt ppl say b4..i m very ego..even if i reali care bout someone..i will nvr show out d..cos for me..i lyk cant do tat..but i can juz care bout them quietly..maybe cos oso affected by my form 1 tat fren gua..haha!!!cos he oso do tat…dis few days..i scare my tat fren will feel down again when saw me..tat y i try not to be infront of him.cos dun wan make him down a..cos i noe is my fault a..erm..den till ytd…when on d way go home…i reali cant stand ad…i juz fall in sadness…feel helpless…u noe wat…at tat time..i juz hope he is juz infront of me…smile to me…show d same warm smile to me…juz tat i need n request for at tat moment…haha!!funny la…haiz..dun noe…

        den today..i saw my tat fren again ad…actually i scare oso when face wit him…cos scare spoil his mood again…erm…maybe i m reali a failure in frenship gua…till will hurt ppl sometimes d till me myself oso dun noe d…tat y my cousin sometimes will say tat i m blur blur d….haha!!no choice la…ben dan d ppl is lyk tat d la..haha!!but u noe wat…today when presentation..i dun feel lyk i did my best…tat y gt angry wit myself…but when i saw him smile at me…juz a normal smile…but i ad feel happy le…cos for me tat is ad more important le..n i m reali very happy ad…reali d…n i juz cant control myself from smile out…n today i m totally very happy after d presentation..haha!!when in car on d way back…i m juz very happy…u noe wat…i m smiling nonstop since i leave UTAR…haha!!

         nth d la…i juz wan say…sometimes…SMILE can be a very powerful thing for ppl around u…so a…juz try to keep ur smile face if can..though many ppl may think tat dis looks stupid…but believe me…is worthy d…reali d…cos u will find out tat happiness is actually is very simple d…when ppl happy…u sure will feel so d…haha!!!yaya!!!tat y whenever wateva happen i will thk lyk tat to get recover from it…    

    Actually nvr ever thought tat i will be so happy in UTAR de..becos b4 i come to UTAR,many of my frens keep on telling their stories in their own colleges and uni d..they say is impossible to find a true fren in uni or college d…bt say reali d…i dun reali feel tat d,esp after i come to UTAR d,esp after i join TE4 d…

     dun noe leh…when i first come to UTAR,i tell myself,"li yee,u hav to be independent lo…no more fren for u to depend on ad,no more jun ee to be ur reminder anymore,no more jun ee to be ur listener,no more wei chian to be d fren tat will against u,no more wei chian to be d one tat will entertain u n listen to u when u r sad,no more yu jian tat will console u when u r down,no more jing ying tat will be with u when u r down n unhappy a,no more siew hong tat will play wit u in class when u r bored,no more siew hong tat will tok bout singer n artist wit u when u r bored in class anymore…no more ad…reali no more ad…so u muz gambateh a…muz be independent a…"tat d things tat i tell myself when i 1st come to UTAR d…

       but when i started to join sze lu,shin lin,raymond,wei leong,wei thian,and isaac n brian in TE4,my thoughts change…they all r elder den me…n do reali care bout me…whenever i m in trouble,i will lyk nvr feel worry d…becos they r alwis there 4 me d…u noe wat…d feeling is juz exactly same as when i m in secondary school d…nt exactly as wat ppl said d,is very simple,is nt complicated d….i lyk them all very much..n do appreciate them alot..

       in sem 1,we all alwis get n mix together d…when in class oso d same,when in break,oso d same…we find good n tasty food together…we so assign together…we do practical together..we study in class together..we do homework together,we hav revision during exam together…we smile n laugh together…we do stupid n silly thing together..though it looked silly,bt i enjoy it n r happy wit it,nt becos of d action bt is becos we all did tat together… all frens together d feeling,d happiness..i reali lyk it d…i love them all d..reali d..u noe wat..i summore hope tat we will be together for foundation n degree together till we graduate d..reali hope tat…becos i reali hope tat d happiness n d frenship could reali last for long time d…

       However,looks lyk i m d oni one who alwis thk so n wish so oni…maybe is true tat wat my frens say,i m juz a kid…a childish n unmature kid..though ad 17 yrs old,bt i m still thk n act lyk a kid…maybe they r juz kidding,bt i thk wat they say is reali true…esp after i come to sem 2,i do feel so ad…do feel tat i m too unmature till i cant reali help out when they r in trouble n problem…i try to help out,bt dun noe y d,i lyk alwis feel helpless d,cos i yk din help out d…whenevr they r sad o unhappy,i lyk cant sense it,i lyk cant help to solve d problem n conflic for them d…wat i can do is juz try to avoid d problem…n keep them from repeating d problem..bt now oni i realise tat avoiding is nt reali a good way…becos among themselves…they juz kip avoiding problem n conflic without tryin to go n solve d problem..in d end,d problem looks lyk ad solved,bt actually is nt…

       As a result,they nt reali happy anymore d…even if i m happy when all of us r together..bt they r lyk nt feeling tat anymore…i hate dis feeling d actually…i tried to control my emotion when facing wit them…i try to make d situation n environment to be cheer up again n happy n warm again d…i try so hard juz to hope tat everything can go back as usual…we can all be happy n warm together d…wat i wan mention n i wan do for is juz for dis oni…bt look lyk i m reali lyk a kid la…they r ad adult,dis way is nt suit for them anymore…wat i do is lyk useless…is ad useless…i do feel fed up ad..bt i dun wan give up..reali dun wan give up my frenship…7 months ad..is nt a short period..i m wit them for 7 months…we hav d same memories for 7 months ad…how can i give up?i dun wan to do so…bt wat else can i do?

      everyday when i go to school,go in class,no matter how unhappy m i,i will try to make myself look happy…nt becos i wan acting o wat..bt cos i noe d conflic in d gang is ad serious n make ppl feel headache ad…i ad cant help out le…so d oni thing tat i can do is juz nt giving them any problem anymore…dis is d oni thing tat i can help them..(by nt letting them worry bout me)…say reali d..acting is reali tired d…cos since i m in primary school..whenevr i m sad o unhappy,i will juz show out d…bt now i lyk cant ad..till last few weeks..i reali down..n i cant stand anymore,bt to show out tat i m reali down n unhappy d..juz as wat i predicted..many frens do ask me"li yee,y uso quiet n look lyk vey depressed d?"..haiz..again let ppl around me worry bout me..maybe i m reali a useless fren gua…

        now they r enjoying their games…maybe dun even will read dis blog…bt say reali d…sometimes will hope tat they will come n read dis…bt after thk for a while…even if they hav read dis blog..wat use o…can they understand my feeling o?can they put off d conflic juz becos of dis blog o becos of me meh?dun thk so lo…haiz…bt nvm la..at least i write out my own feeling a…nt kipping t in my heart,at least will better gua…say reali d..i do hope tat they will put their games aside d…bt try to put more effort in conducting dis frenship d…bt thk dis requirement is juz too over for them…bt guys,juz wan say…i too start to feel tired of alwis be happy in front of u all…start to feel tat wateva i did in front of u all is lyk useless ad…reali useless ad…bt still wanna say..i do appreciate every of u all…bt dun noe y d..i lyk dun noe how to show out d..haiz..maybe cos feel tat is useless ad gua…

     haiz…sem 3 is coming ad…dun noe shld feel happy o not oso…cos thk after dis sem..more n more problem will occur ad..juz hope my 6th sense reali useless dis time la…juz hope tat thing wont go as wat i predicted la…look lyk is useless for me to write out dis eh…cos now still remain in d same mood…moody..depressed..sad..

         christmas is coming…i juz hope tat if i m being given a wish…i will juz wish tat everything will back to the beginning…whereby we all will still be happy in sincerely n no more conflic…bt everything tok clearly…dis is my wish for dis coming christmas..juz hope tat d santa claus could receive my dis wish n try to make it to be a reality la…though noe tat dis will nvr come true…bt i juz wan try to make it…

      Juz wan try to prove tat frenship is reali a power…is a miracle…is a happiness…

1、当你爱着这样女人，一定要记得经常对她 说：我
爱你。不管已经说过多少次， 不管是她第几百次问
你:“你爱我吗 ？”当她对你说“我爱你”，你都要
很真诚地说：我也爱你!!说的时候必须去吻 她,以此
来表示你的真诚。

2、每天出门的时候一定要给她个拥 抱,或者一个吻
(两者都有更好!) .要知道,在家的她,看到你匆匆的
出门,寂寞无聊就会油然而生,女人是喜欢浪 漫和诗
情画意的,如果得不到那份浪 漫和温馨.日子久了,就
会生怨恨心 的.也就不会再去奢求你的那份浪漫
了。.

3、在你的朋友和她 的朋友面前不要总摆出一副大男
人呼 来唤去的样子。更不要说家里的女人长的不咋
的,怎么怎么的出不了门槛的,女人 愿意照顾你，满
足你大男人对“三从 四德”的喜好，是因为她爱你,
她宠 你,也更希望自己被你宠，但并不表示她愿意 被
当做佣人和附庸.

4,你答应她的事情再小也要做到。女人都 希望有个
坚强的肩膀依赖，想告诉你 她的一切，但是你如果
连小事情都做 不好，她怎么去依赖你？当她说一些
你不认可的事情也不要去指责或者冷漠，这样 她怎
么去信任你把心里话都告诉你？

5、不要总在你们相处的时 候打游戏或者上电脑。当
你不亦乐乎 的时候，她也许已经觉得很被冷落，而
你却只注意着你的电脑。

6、女人每个月总有那么几天是经期，那时候 是不能
用理智控制的。不管她怎么歇 斯底里、不讲道理、
喜怒无常，你都 要哄着她,包容她,人她发泄,任她满
不讲理。方便的时候,把红糖姜水端到她嘴 边,看似
一碗水,却比的上灵丹妙药 !

7、不要总在她面前说别 的女人怎么怎么漂亮,怎么
怎么善解 人意(男人都有那想法,但别在她面前絮叨)。她把你当作她的唯一，也希望你把 她当作唯
一。十天半月不定期的对她 小声说:艾,今天你穿的
衣服怎么比 上次穿的更得体,显的更漂亮呢?或者说,< BR>艾,真没有看出来,今天你的妆,比前 天化的好看
耶..(自己琢磨着去编 就行,呵呵).

12,　 在外面的你肯定是要和家中的她电话联系的,
但是,短信也必不可少的,你要知道 ,从相知相爱到家
庭结合的你们,短 信一路陪伴而来,逐渐收不到你的
信 息,女人似乎感觉你不爱她了.感受不到你的 浪漫
了.所以,男人们给家里的她发 送信息吧.女人虽然在
经济上对你很 严格的。但是,那块二八角的短信费她
还是希望你支出的…切记!!

某天 女孩终于鼓起勇气对男孩说：我们分手吧 男孩问：为什么？ 女孩说：倦了，就不需要理由了 一个晚上 男孩只抽烟不说话 女孩的心也越来越凉 连挽留都不会表达的情人 能给我什么样的快乐？ 过了许久 男孩终忍不住说：怎么做你才能留下来？ 女孩慢慢地说： 回答一个问题，如果你能答到我心里就答案，我就留下来。 …………………… 比如我非常喜欢悬崖上的一朵花，而你去摘的结果是百分之百 的死亡，你会不会摘给我？ 男孩想了想说：明天早晨告诉你答案好吗？ 女孩的心顿时灰了下来 …………………… 早晨醒来，男孩已经不在 只有一张写满字的纸压在温热的牛奶杯下 第一行，就让女孩的心凉透了 亲爱的，我不会去摘 但请容许我陈述不去摘的理由 你只会用电脑打字 却总把程序弄得一塌糊涂 然后对着键盘哭 我要留着手指给你整理程序 你出门总是忘记带钥匙 我要留着双脚跑回来给你开门 酷爱旅游的你 在自己的城市里都常常迷路 我要留着眼睛给你带路 每月（好朋友）光临时 你总是全身冰凉，还肚子疼 我要留着掌心温暖你的小腹 你不爱出门 我担心你会患上自闭症 我要留着嘴巴躯赶你的寂寞 你总是盯者电脑 眼睛给糟蹋得巡皇翘昧?br / 我要好好活着 等你老了给你修剪指甲 帮你拔掉让你懊恼的白发 拉着你的手 在海边享受美好的阳光和柔软的沙滩 告诉你一朵朵花的颜色 像你青春的脸… 所以 在我不能确定有人比我更爱你以前 我不想去摘那朵花… 女孩泪滴在纸上 形成晶莹的花朵 抹净眼泪，女孩继续往下看： 「亲爱的 如果你已经看完了 答案还让你满意的话 请你开门吧 我正站在门外 手里提着你最喜欢吃的鲜奶面包… 女孩拉开门 看见他的脸 紧张得像个孩子 只会把拧着面包的手在她眼前晃 ……………… 我想这就是爱情或者生活 被幸福平静的包围时 一些平凡的爱意 总被渴望激情和浪漫的心忽略 爱！在双方引起的许多个微不足道的动作里， 从来就没有固定的模式 只有爱 可以是任何一中平淡无奇的形式 花朵、浪漫 不过是浮在生活表面的浅浅点缀 在它们的下面才是我们真真的生活

tat day,got a person tell me tat he dun really understand bout my personality n bout my thinking…say really de…i oso dun really understand me myself well…last time when i was in form 1 or even before form 1,i m a person that really confident wit myself whenever i do sth..becos tat time for me,nth is impossible for me,maybe is just cos since i m small,everything is just run too smooth for me until i feel that nth is difficult o impossible for me….that time,i reallt noe myself well de,i can noe wat i should do or wat i can do clearly…for my fren n my family,i m a gal who can afford to do my stuff well de….however,after form one,sth happen…an incident happen that make me really change a lot…i totally lost in tat year…i found tat actually i m not as good as i think de…i dun really afford to do everything well de…after form 1,during form 2 that year really was a nitemare for me…i hate my form 2 life…i hate myself during form 2….i m just like fall into depression during tat year…i just keep away myself from frens and totally hide myself…i just feel depressed for whole year…

after form 2,i get to noe jun ee n tat gang of frens,is true tat i try to change myself…but actually is not easy for me de…bcos i hav ady depressed for whole year without telling anyone…i dun really easy to trust ppl after form 1 becos just scare that me myself will be de one tat get hurt again…i dun really dare to really treat a person o fren good n sincerely anymore…cos for me,when u put too much of effort in a relationship no matter is frenship o love or even family,u may easily get hurt when sth happen…but after noe of jun ee,i try to change ady…

maybe de world is not really just like wat i thought,maybe ppl n frens not really will always hurt u de..maybe frens n family r de one tat will always be wit u de when u r in trouble…but say is easy…when ask me to do so…is hard de…i try to really put effort in my frenship n family besides studies tat always first for me de…i start to find out tat maybe wat ppl say is true de….frenship is always de best cure when u r hurt but oso is a thing tat hurt u badly when it do so….

i really put many effort in my band life n my frenship during my form one life….even studies tat always de first in my list oso not as important as these…i tell myself band n frens is everything for me..so i must really appreciate it…n i do so…becos of band,i put away my studies…i put away my health n evrything,i really love them all in band de,tat y even is hard life..i oso keep tahan…but sth happen,sth tat was bad…ppl tat u trust well suddenly all like betray u….de feeling is really very hurt de…i try to find a person to speak out evrything,but de person just did de same as others…i totally feel tat i m a failure n totally disappointed wit myself…i feel tat actually i m not as good a i thought de…maybe i m just not tat good enough de…start form tat moment,evrything tat before i do,i will fall in doubtful…i will think for long time before i do sth…not becos i become more careful o wat…but just cos i m no more confident wil myself anymore…den de thing ady make me feel sad…

in de end of form one,i was told by others that one of my best frens was influenced by bad de frens till become bad ady…no more a good student,but just act like a bad student…u noe,de fren really treat me well de,and i do trust her well n treat her as my best fren de….but she just change till i can’t even recognise her…her personality totally change…i feel sad when saw her like tat..i feel tat my heart is pain becos she really is a good gal de…but just become like tat…i feel tat i m de person tat should be responsible towards de issue de…if i would be willing to spend more time to accompany her…listen to wat she say…care bout her…maybe everything will totally change de…she won’t become like tat de…and i oso won’t become like tat de…

i den tried to call her,but i failed to do so…i even try to write letter to her in school n pass it to her,i told her tat if she still treat me as fren,an we just come out to meet n talk for a while…i told her if she still treat me as fren..just come n meet me…at tat moment,i just hope tat i can try my best to pull her back from being changing…but she just din come to meet me…i try n try,but still de same result i get…maybe she is just too disppointed wit me n dun wan to talk to me anymore ady…i get to get hurt again…two shook in de same year…i realy can’t afford to stand anymore…

den form 2,i totally hide up myself…i fall in depression n feel like dun wan to care bout evrything…till form 3,i try to change to become cheerful n optimistic…cos someone told me tat even if u r sad,u can’t afford to change evrything de,y dun u just be happy always n dun think so much,maybe by doin like tat,u will feel much more better n relief leh…summore when u r cheerful n happy,u may influence de frens n ppl arround u n help them to be happy leh…den i try to do so…and as wat de person said…i really become more cheerful n happy,den i found out tat when i m appy n try to bring happiness to evryone arround me,they really will be very happy de…i m really happy tat i can do so…cos just like wat jun ee say,i make her to change to be more happy ady…and when my frens hav sth,they oso willing to tell me…i m happy de actually,cos for me,i feel tat i m being trusted n i m not a useless fren…i m very happy de…but just tat when i owned a frenship o relationship…i will become very care bout it,not becos of wat,but is becos since de incident of watching my fren totally change n i can’t do anything…i just hope tat de same thing won’t repeat…

but at de same time,i dun really make a person to understand me well is becos i dun hope to being understand den again being used by ppl,i dun wan to get hurt again…i dun wan to being betrayed again cos de feeling really very hurt de…

maybe no one was in my situation,tat y no ppl will unedrstand my thinking n feeling de…but i just wan say that sometime i feel hard to show out my caring n feeling towards a person de,but tat doesn’t mean tat i dun care or dun love de person…just tat i dun noe how to express it out…i do try to tell myself tat i should show out when i care bout a person o love a person cos only by doin tat,de person will noe tat u really care bout her or him…i really dun wish to lose any of my frens or anyone who i care n love de…just maybe try to give me sometime to change my view of thinking…just like when i was form 2…i do need time to change till today de Li Yee….but i wan say tat for me,sometime changing not necessary is a bad thing…tat y i always won’t refused to change de…cos if wan me to change for de person tat i love and care bout,is always worthy de…

erm…just dun laugh at me after read dis blog la,and dun say tat i m "ben dan"…maybe i m really ben dan lo,but i m happy to be "ben dan" a…haha!!!relief ady after i write out wat i keep inside my heart for almost 6 years…is hard de…